The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys (directed
by Peter Care)
I'm dying to see this movie, but I can kiss my dreams a long good bye
for a couple years. It's the story about 4 boys who love making trouble
and irritating their nun teacher at their catholic highschool. They start
making a comic book story where they fight their nun teacher who becomes
an animated motorcycle-riding arch villan played by the magnifica Jodie
Foster.
They do many pranks, including one that goes horribly wrong involving
a cougar. The story looks great and the 3 main reasons I want to see this
movie are: Jodie Foster, Kieran Culkin, and the animated action sequences.
R for strong profanity, sexual content, youth substance abuse,
animated action violence, and a bloody scene involving a cougar.
Note to parents: of course kids will want to see this, I do, but I can't
because of the sexual content, attitudes, and youth boozing. Worse than
Ghostworld in appropriateness, but not in swearing.
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Pumpkin (directed by Adam Larson
Broder and Tony R. Abrams)
I want to see this movie, because it looks darkly funny. It's the story about a girl, played by Christina Ricci, who doesn't want to fall in love, but ends up falling in love with a retarded boy who completely charms her. I don't know much about about this movie, but I want to see it and I have a 50/50 chance, so I'll let you know if I do.
R for profanity, and a scene of sex
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Minority Report (directed by Steven Spielberg)
I saw this movie yesterday with my Granny. I thought it was good, but
not quite good enough to buy on vhs or dvd. It's a story about a future
cop who uses "the precrime system" to stop crime before it is
made. It's a very effective system- there's been no murders for 6 years
solid. Everything is wonderful until the cop discovers that in 24 hrs
HE will murder someone. So suddenly he's running from the precrime system.
The visual effects were great. The actors were all ok, but Samantha Morton
stood out like a bottle
of Champagne in the cheap beer section- which means she was great.
PG 13 for very brief glimpses of violence, including bloody eyeballs,
dead black eyesockets, vomiting and mucus, mild profanity, unknown drugs,
virtual sex.
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A Beautiful Mind (directed Ron Howard)
I saw this film, and I adored it. It was a great movie. It is the story
of a troubled math genius who started seeing and hearing people who really
didn't exist. You have to pay close attention to figure out what is real.
The acting was so amazing, and the story was just plain brilliant. See
it in the theater while it while it's still there.
PG13 for intense material, minor sexual content, some violence.
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Lord of the Rings (directed by Peter Jackson)
I saw this movie. I am amblivilent to it. It had a good beginning, with
excellent action sequences and special effects and good sound editing-
for example pig snorts from the horses. But the film was missing genuine
suspense. The action sequences lost their action and became just sequences.
It was like eating 5 cheeseburgers when you should really only eat 2.
The main characters, the band, were torn in different directions, but
I didn't really feel the power of the conflict. It didn't soak under my
skin. I didn't want to get bored by this movie, but it just happened anyway.
PG13 for action violence, and some scary images
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Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (directed
by Peter Jackson)
Boy, I really hated this movie- it stank more than fresh donkey droppings.
The plot was so thin even a slight breeze could destroy it. Very good
special effects, but still unbelievably boring. Excessive fighting. The
Two Towers of Merde. I walked out and got my money back. You might love
it, but I didn't.
Rated PG13 for epic battle sequences. Definitely not for little
kids.
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Zoolander (directed by Ben Stiller)
I saw this movie. It was funny, and I liked it. It's the story of a famous
male supermodel Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) whose career explodes and
burns in his own face. After this disaster Zoolander decides to retire.
But then Zoolander gets pulled into an evil and very ridiculous plot by
a powerful fashion designer. There are some crazy characters like Katinka
(Milla Jovovich), the gorgeous sex appeal assassin, Hansel (Owen Wilson)
the dopey scooter-riding model who takes some drugs, and Zoolander the
serious model who is quite dumb. The movie is good for a few laughs, but
once you walk out of the theatre you will forget everything you saw.
PG13 for brief language, sex related material, some joint and drug
tea use.
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Harry Potter (directed by Chris Columbus)
I saw this movie, and I thought it was one of the worst films of the
year. Why? Because it didn't have a heart or a brain or a real story.
The movie was weak because it was lacking intelligent acting, you could
never find a reason to really care about the storyline and the characters.
The special effects were so-so, because the story is boring. The movie
was like a cookbook for beginners that's left on the shelf for too long.
PG for action sequences and minor crude imagery
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Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets (directed
by Chris Columbus)
I saw this movie, and it was quite good. I liked 50 times better than
the first one. This movie could be very scary for little kids. There are
giant spiders, a jumbo size snake, blood on the walls, and action violence.
The same basic characters, the actors did a good job. I recommend it.
Rated PG for action violence
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Amelie (directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet)
I saw this movie several times. It was very delicious and outstanding.
It is the story of a young woman named Amelie (Audrey Tautou) who decides
to secretly help people with the problems in their lives. She does many
goofy things, and there are very, very funny childhood flashbacks.
Amelie as a kid is played by the cutest kid actress, Flora Guiet. Amelie
is shy and lonely and is kind of a coward about her own love problems.
The movie uses super ripe colors, and it's got great cinematography, and
the characters are very cute and loveable and interesting. The acting
was magnificent.
Note to parents: There is sex and a porno video palace where one
of the characters works, but the sexual material is just sort of silly
and funny. It is not horrible or creepy attitudes about sex. But it might
not fit in your house rules, so be concerned if kids want to see it. But
I doubt they will, because it is in French with subtitles.
R for some sexuality/ nudity
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Liam (directed by Stephen Frears)
I saw this movie, and it's one of my top ten of my whole life. The film
is about a man who loses his job. The family becomes very broke. It's
the story of the family's terrible problems and struggles. All the actors
in this movie are perfect, and no one screwed up at all. Even though it's
depressing, this film is definitely worth seeing. It makes you think differently
about life. The youngest child Liam becomes a hero at the end.
R for violence, profanity, a glimpse of nudity. Note to parents:
don't let very sensitive children view this film, it may tear their souls
in half.
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Gosford Park (directed by Robert Altman)
I saw this movie 2 times. It was great, I give it straight a's on the
report card. It is the story of a bunch of party guests, their servants,
and a mysterious murder at luxurious country house. The actors were brilliant,
the story was awesome and complexly interesting, and everyone had their
moment of glamour and drama. I highly recommend this movie.
R for profanity, brief violence, pervasive drinking and some sexual
content.
Note to parents: there is A Lot of smoking in this film, but not
as much as in the movie In the Mood for Love, by Wong Kar Wai, so if you
disapprove of smoking don't see this film.
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Dogtown and Z-Boys (directed by Stacy
Peralta)
I saw this movie. It is a 90 minute documentary about some California
outsider skateboard kids from the 70's. The surfing was okay, but the
skateboarding sequences dragged on and on. There was some good old footage
of skateboarding, and good old still photographs. If you are a skateboarding
maniac this is your dream movie. If you are not, this movie might be 45
minutes too long.
PG13 for profanity, some drug and alcohol references
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Scotland PA (Directed by Billy Morrissette)
I saw this movie. It was a great yet horrible film. It's the story of
a
couple, the Macbeths, who work at a megacrappy restaurant called Duncan's.
Mr. Duncan takes all their good ideas and they don't get a penny of credit.
So they make a horrible plan to get the restaurant and end up killing
Mr. Duncan savagely. They take over the restaurant and turn it into "McBeths"-
a very popular and successful restaurant. But their lives start falling
apart from guilt and craziness, and the story has a tragic ending. Guess
what- the story is by William Shakespeare, and it's called Macbeth.
The actors were ok, except for Maura Tierney, who was outstanding.
R for extreme profanity, substance abuse, nudity, discreet sex,
some violence.
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Metropolis (Directed by Rin Taro)
I saw this movie. It is an animated sci-fi drama. It's the story of a
rich millionaire who tries to design the most perfect robot to rule his
kingdom with magnificent power. All the robots in the kingdom are servants,
and eventually there is a horrible war between servant robots and humans.
The animation is as great as Princess Mononoke and incredibly detailed.
It is subtitled in Japanese, so sometimes it is hard to see all the amazing
details while you are reading. But definitely worth seeing. Outstanding.
In my opinion, I thought this movie was as great as European Vacation,
even though it's a different type of movie.
PG13 for violence
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Spiderman (Directed by Sam Raimi)
I was very disappointed in this movie. You know what the story is about,
so don't bother asking. The action sequences were empty and boring, and
the love story was drippy and tiresome. The acting was so so, but the
actors didn't have much to work with. If you like mainstream hollywood
comic book action movies, this might be your movie.
PG13 for stylized action violence, some sexual situations. Too
scary for tiny kids.
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The Road Home (directed by Zhang Zhimou)
I saw this movie. It was very beautiful. It's about an 18 year old girl
who falls in love her village's new schoolteacher. It's the story of their
courtship. Zhang Ziyi is superb and adorable in her braids and pink jacket.
Sun Honglei is very good as the school teacher.
G but should've been PG for an alcohol reference.
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I saw this movie in the theater. It was an ok film. It's the story of
when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, Hawaii in World War Two.
There are three basic storylines:
1) American soldiers getting ready for war in Europe
2) tangled web of romance between soldiers and nurses
3) Japanese preparing for war
First plot: American soldiers getting ready for war- I found this part
pretty boring.
Second plot: nurses and soldiers under the silvery moon with busy lips
was not that interesting either. It might have been helped by more nudity.
At least they could show more butts.
Third plot: The Japanese soldiers had the best style in costumes and music.
The hospital scenes looked very greasy. Grease is for cooking, not for
the d*mn camera. This movie was alot like Titanic- but if it wins an Academy
Award I'm going to cry. Unless it's for Best Hairdo's in a motion picture.
PG13 for war violence, a scene of sexuality, and some language.
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I saw the Luzhin Defence. It was a tragic and romantic film starring Emily
Watson and John Tuturro. John Tuturro plays an eccentric bum lookalike
Russian chess champion whose childhood was sad, a little funny, and rather
odd. Emily Watson plays a gorgeous countess who falls deeply in love with
him at first sight. The story is intelligent and sort of gloomy with amusing
patches. The film does have halts and slow moving episodes, but you should
still see it. Not much chess but a good love story.
Rated PG13 for some sexuality and an intense description of mental
cruelty.
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State and Main (directed by David Mamet)
(This is my first movie review. I wrote it when I was nine.)
I saw State and Main. I thought it was very funny and charming. It's about
a film crew that goes to Waterford, Vermont to film a movie called "The
Old Mill". But they go through some trouble, like the old mill burned
down 50 years ago and an actress who doesn't want to show her breasts
on screen.So she wants 800,000 bucks to show her breasts. But then a drunk
actor with a teen gets in a car crash. The film crew is in Big trouble
now. Finally they film the movie with a different name. I gave it four
stars ****, and you should see it.
Note to parents: This movie is not appropriate for kids, and I was just
lucky I got to see it. My Dad didn't check out the plot in advance.
R for profanity, brief nudity, and a car accident scene.
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Shadow of the Vampire (directed by Elias
Merhige)
I saw this movie. It was hilarious and outrageously great. It's the story
of a kooky director who is making a vampire movie about Nosferatu. There's
some very funny parts, terrific characters, and a drugged cat actor. It
was a delightfully ridiculous story, suspenseful yet goofy. The acting
was wonderful. Willem Dafoe should've won the Academy Award instead of
Benicio Del Torro from Traffic.
R for violence, profanity, some sexual situations, and drug use.
Note to Parents: This movie is not for little kids or really sensitive
people. There is a German Burlesque House scene with sexual situations-
my mom didn't let me see this part, and I didn't agree with her decision.
(eventually I did see this part on video). Also there is a fair amount
of drug use.
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The Dish (directed by Rob Sitch)
I saw this movie. It is charming and delightful. It is the story of the
satellite dish in Australia that received pictures of the first walk on
the moon. The characters were eccentric and sweet. The acting was a well-done
job. I really recommend it.
PG13 for profanity, some mild suggestive humor.
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Das Boot (directed by Wolfgang Petersen)
I have seen this film at least 24 times, because it is a truly great movie!
It's the story of a German U sub in W.W. 2. Their mission is to go out
to sea, and destroy destroyer ships. The acting was very realistic. The
scenes inside the submarine are very intense, because it is the battlefield
on water. This film shows the physical and emotional behavior of the sailors
inside the submarine, and it will truly affect you if you are into war
movies.
R for drinking, profanity, some violence/destruction, and quite
a bit of sexual content-which is mostly pretty graphic dialogue.
Note to Parents: There isn't tons of violence like Saving Private Ryan
(which I am not allowed to see yet), but there is a lot of mental stress
and tension. So it depends what kind of parent you are. If you let your
kids see gory horror films or trashy films with alot of sexual references
this won't seem horrible, but if your kids are sensitive it might be a
film that could give them nightmares or make them tense.
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National Lampoon's Vacation (directed
by Harold Ramis)
I saw this movie, and I had several gut-busting laughs. It's the story
of a brainless family who piles into a junky station wagon for a road
trip vacation to Los Angeles. They have many ridiculous accidents and
meet a ton of unhelpful characters (including Christy Brinkley and Imogene
Coca). There are no surprises in this movie, but plenty of good laughs.
Other stars are the ever-wonderful Beverly D'Angelo and rookie female
star Dana Barron
.
Rated R for profanity, some nudity, drug content.
Note to Parents: gross crude humor, but very funny.
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National Lampoons European Vacation (directed
by Amy Heckerling)
I saw this movie, I have to admit I loved it. It's the story of Griswalds
family who win a gameshow prize trip to Europe. When they get there, their
luxurious vacation goes the exact opposite highway to having fun. The
actress I really enjoyed is Dana Hill. She plays their boycraving daughter
Audrey, and gives the movie a ton of spice. It's a screwball comedy that
makes fun of arty european style. If you see this film the drama and arts
section of your brain could shrink alittle, but the comedy section will
grow like those magic sponges.
PG13 for profanity, bathroom humor, some sexual situations, a glimpse
of partial nudity
Note to parents: This movie involves some crude/sexual humor, so I would
recommend ages 10 and up could see this movie, depending on what kind
of parent you are. This movie is kind of raunchy, but not as much as the
first Vacation movie.
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City of Lost Children (Directed by Jean-Pierre
Jeunet & Marc Caro)
I saw this movie, and I didn't care for it. It's the story of this guy
named Crank who has no imagination and steals children's dreams to try
to get an imagination. The movie has interesting characters, great art
direction, funny and scary scenes- but it just wasn't my type of icecream.
R for some intense violence, occasional scary images. In French
with subtitles.
Note to parents: This movie is not for kids under 11. Jeunet and Caro
usually combine creepy with funny, except Amelie- which wasn't scary.
If your kids are sophisticated and have a sense of French humour maybe
they can handle movies by these filmmakers.
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Rock'n'Roll High School (directed by Allan
Arkush)
I saw this film. This is a brilliant movie, thanks almost exclusively
to the RAMONES. It's a comedy about a school destroyed by rock and roll.
The plot, well, there's not very much deep story but boys and girls falling
in love, mean and ridiculous teachers, goofy clothes, and the RAMONES
who save this movie from sucking. I really recommend it!!!!
Rated PG: should've been rated PG13 for drug and alcohol use by
teenagers, and some sexual references.
Note to Parents: not for kids under 10, when they older they might learn
great style from the RAMONES
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Dial M for Murder (directed by Alfred Hitchcock)
I saw this movie. The story is about a selfish husband who decides to
kill his wife for her money. The story unravels into a classic puzzle.
The characters are elegant and totally under control throughout the whole
film. Very Mysterious.
PG for some alcohol use, murder plotting, and a violent scene.
Should be PG13
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Creature from the Black Lagoon (directed
by Jack Arnold)
I saw this movie. It was fair. It's about a bunch of scientists who discover
a water creature villain who threatens every single person throughout
the whole film. The characters were funny and interesting.
G but should've been rated PG for some scary images and quite a
bit of cleavage.
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Psycho (Directed by Alfred Hitchcock)
I recently saw this spectacular horror movie by the masterful film maker
Alfred Hitchcock! It’s the story of Marion Crane, who is unexpectedly
given a chance to escape her dead-end life. She is an unhappy secretary,
in love with a divorced man who is chained by alimony to his ex-wife.
When Marion’s boss asks her to deposit forty thousand dollars cash
into the bank, she takes it as an omen to pack her bags and leave everything
behind. This is a crime of passion, and her getaway is clumsy, because
she is not a natural criminal. Eventually a blinding rainstorm forces
her to stop at the Bates Motel, where she meets the caretaker Norman Bates
(Anthony Perkins). The tension in film erupts, and a series of horrifying
events take place.
Anthony Perkins is fantastic as the disturbed young caretaker. He’s
weirdly funny and almost likeable- a horrible black diamond with smudges
that can never be removed. He’s a modern Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Janet Leigh, Vera Miles, and John Gavin are all outstanding. The movie’s
cinematography is great. This was a lower budget movie at the time it
was made (1960), but it still holds up fantastically to this day.
R for R for violence, although not graphic by today’s standards. Very psychologically scary! Definitely not for kids under the age of 12, unless they are accustomed to graphic violence. Note: I only got to see this movie because I have seen the shower scene several times in documentaries on film and hitchcock before I saw the actual movie. I am still not allowed to see graphic horror movies in general..
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Rear Window (directed by Alfred Hitchcock)
This movie was made by the deity of Suspense films, Alfred Hitchcock.
I saw this movie on the big screen, and it was delightfully tense. The
story builds from tiny twigs to a stone castle of suspense. A man is stuck
home in his apartment with a broken leg and discovers really odd behavior
in his neighborhood. His rear window is the most important key to the
plot.
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The Birds (Directed by Alfred Hitchcock)
I saw this magnificent movie. This horror movie, directed by one of the
most influential film makers of all time- Alfred Hitchcock, is story of
sheer terror. The film begins with the wonderful actress Tippi Hedren
who plays a rich, sophisticated practical joker. She plans a complicated
prank on a handsome lawyer/ bachelor who saw her in court, and they begin
flirting. The story goes forward like a romantic comedy, but there are
hints of the bird related problems to come. The first bird attack happens
while Melanie ( Hedren) is out in a row boat and is hit by a gull. Is
it an accident? After the birds attack a children’s birthday party,
it’s clear that this is no coincidence...
Child actress Veronica Cartwright delivers an exceptional performance
as the lawyer’s (Rod Taylor) terrified and emotionally destroyed
younger sister. Jessica Tandy is great as the over-protective mother.
This one of the best movies ever created. The bird attacks are stunning,
even without modern computer technology. Are birds really the puppets
of the apocalypse?
NOTE: M. Night Shamylan’s Signs is almost a complete rip-off of
The Birds, except not scary, because I found Signs to be a ridiculous
comedy.
Rated PG13 for severe bird attacks, a couple of grisly corpses, and extremely
suspenseful moments. Note to Parents: this film is NOT a “Winged
Migration”. It’s super scary, but not as bad as Psycho and
Frenzy (which I am not allowed to see and are rated R). This film doesn’t
have person on person violence, only bird on person violence. Not for
young or sensitive kids.
Aug. 2003
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Princess Mononoke (directed by Hayao
Miyazaki)
I saw this movie, and it's my second most favorite of my whole life. 2
times better than the animated Metropolis- which was great to begin with.
It's the story of a warrior, Ashitaka, who suffers a terrible curse from
a demon boar god. He has to go to the west to find the God of Life and
Death who may cure him. On the way he meets Lady Eboshi, who wants to
destroy the forest with her explosives and guns. He also meets Princess
Mononoke, known as San, who lives with her wolf family and focuses her
life on trying to kill Lady Eboshi. It is the story of a war between the
humans and the creatures of the forest. The animation is superb and heart-
stopping. The actors are all magnificent. The story is gorgeous and full
of true lessons.
PG13 for graphic violence with bloody results, intense action sequences
Note to parents: this film is not like a Disney movie, there's
no singalong sequences with cute characters, this is an intense movie
and not everyone can handle it.
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